Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Here today, Gone Tomorrow

Life is so fleeting. We take for granted so much in our lives every day (or at least I know I do).
My sister lost her brother-in-law yesterday. He was 24. I have so many emotions on this. They range from sadness to anger to fear.

Sad because my sweet nephew won't have the chance to know this guy that seemed to have a smile on his face each time I saw him, even though I now know he was deeply hurting somewhere inside. The last thing I remember of him is washing my sister's dishes. What BIL does that?? Sad because my sister only got a little over a year to know him. There are so many things they didn't get to share. And sadness because I know that Jason, my sister's husband, only reconnected with him this past year. They missed a lot and now they will never get to make up for that lost time.

Anger because of the choice he made. He did drugs and died because of it. Now his family has to live each day without him and that just sucks! I don't understand why so many that do drugs think they're invincible! So many people die each day, each hour, each minute from doing drugs. What makes a person think they're special enough to be skipped over? It's just not fair to the families that now have to figure out how to move forward because of a decision that was made. I'm also angry because I feel like it's selfish. Selfish to make your family and friends feel like they weren't good enough for him to not be more careful in his choices. The regrets they will have from past arguments and for memories that won't be made. Life isn't fair and that proves it right there.

Fear because I don't know how to teach my kids not to do drugs. I know so many people that do drugs. From all walks of life. Some of them are from families that, honestly, I think just didn't care what their kids did and didn't raise them to care. Others I know come from good, loving homes. So how do I teach my child to make those decisions and know when to "say no?"
Death is something I'm terrified of. Not the idea of knowing where I'm going. I feel confident about that. I'm terrified for two reasons. One that I (or my husband) will die too early and my child will have to grow up without me (or their dad) like I had to without my dad. Two that my child will die before me. I know there is a greater plan and all that and if it's time, it's time. But I just don't know how I'd survive that.

So today I'm making soup so my sis and brother-in-law don't have to cook. So they can spend time with each other ans sweet Noah. I'm going to get a little cleaning done too. But mostly I'm going to spend time with my boys. We don't know what tomorrow holds and I want to strive to live life to the fullest and without regret. I challenge you to do the same.


  1. That is so sad... praying for your family!

  2. Thanks, Sarah. I know Ally will appreciate that.